On Sex and Cremation

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So.  I read The Bloggess post today and died laughing because honestly, as much as I love my husband and as much as I value a healthy sex life, I have to admit, I’ve spoken very similar words in my own head on occasion: “Well then I guess we’re both gonna have to pee in the bed because I’m stopping in about 10 minutes. Some of us have shit to do Kevin“. (A quote from Jenny Lawson’s, The Bloggess post 5/6/14).  I find this hilarious probably because my husband’s name is Kevin.

For reference: http://thebloggess.com/2014/05/this-is-why-im-almost-never-asked-to-write-for-the-news/#comments

So freaking funny (and true!) about the soaked sheets thing. I mean, “once upon a time”, in the not too distant past, and maybe even sometimes, still… occasionally (ahem), soaked sheets are hot. And you know...my husband and I have tried some pretty freaky stuff, so maybe there were some other body fluids involved. But it’s also extremely possible we were just so inebriated, that it really was an accident…

Anyhooo, I’m totally digressing. Point is: “Oh you want sex??? Sure.  I’ll pencil you in”.

I’m 45 now. Busier than ever before and my one-and-only kid is now 13. I’m not chasing diapers anymore but somehow I’m busier! The sexual dynamo I was certain I’d be til they toss me in the kiln, so-to-speak, has packed her bags and set sail for a destination unknown. Perhaps it’s the crazy over 40 hormones. Maybe it’s my work schedule what with massage and writing, soccer games and training transport throughout the week, the countless errands and house crap that needs to get done. It’s all just exhausting. Who has the energy for a zesty romp after a day like that? Not I, said the fly, with a pie in his eye. (I couldn’t resist that. I use to say that when I was a kid. I loved rhyming).

Anyway- who doesn’t LOVE a good orgasm?

These days, I’m likely to knock out one or two all by myself. Less time. No contorting. No laying there feeling guilty because you’re about to fall asleep. And…NO SOAKED SHEETS.  First of all, “Eww” (unless it’s a reckless night of weekend abandonment). And secondly, guess who has to launder that shit?! You guessed it.

Note:
“Toss me in the kiln” : That’s cremation speak versus “put me in the ground”, for those who prefer to be embalmed in gnarly smelling fluid, laid in a box at which people can gawk, then buried like a doggy bone. I guess I’d rather be “burned and returned” (to the Earth and maybe a small part of me in a keepsake box for my son to display on his mantle.  The part that reminds him to stop peeing on the toilet lid). I’m sure some people think cremation is equally as “eeewwwy”. To each his own.

Team crispy!

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About Megan Delaney

You can take the girl outta Maryland, but ya can't take the Blue Crab taste buds offa the girl you TOOK outta Maryland. In other words. I'll always be a Maryland girl. My husband, son and I have lived in York, PA since 2005 and to date, we've found ONE restaurant that can make a REAL Maryland crab cake. If it's eggs in chicken noodle soup you're lookin' for, Pennsylvania's where you'll wanna lay your roots on down. Either that or Fastnachts. They're donuts. Or so I'm told. Never had one, but man do folks go NUTS over them up here! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fasnacht_(doughnut) Anyway - much "about me" can be found on the pages of my blog, as I love to write about life's THINGS that happen. My goal is to touch folks through a relateable experience or make them laugh. I have an off-beat, sometimes warped sense of humor. Not everybody appreciates that I like to share my life in such a public way but I am a passionate person, with a lot to say and I love to express myself through writing. So to those of you who like and appreciate it - I express to you my absolute and genuine gratitude and thanks for following me and sharing me with friends and family. For those that don't, I offer you this quote to ponder: Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles. - George Eliot - I say SCREW WRINKLES!

4 responses »

  1. I agree with you on the Team Crispy. There’s no way they’re going to embalm me, shove me in a hermetically sealed box, and leave my pickled ass in the ground for all eternity. Ewwww…
    I actually found the way I want to be sent off – I’m an organ donor, so take all the bits that have some use left to them, cremation to follow, then have my ashes added to a decomposable planter with a tree seedling inside. Useful to the last drop!

    (P.S. I followed you over here from Jenny’s blog, so glad I found yours! I’ll just be over —-> here, reading all your stuff, so don’t mind me kicking up a little dust!)

    Like

    • Hi!

      Thanks for your comment and go on girl! Go ‘head and kick up all the dust you want! 😉

      I’m an organ donor too. Hmmm…likin’ the seedling idea…

      Thanks again for reading! So stoked to get a follower and comment that ISN’T family! Yippeeeee!

      Like

  2. Meg: Somehow I found my way in here from the photos of the quilt you sent your Mom, who forwarded them to me. What puzzles me is that along with Na’s photos were some of Uncle Lou and me…on our Anniversary, and a studio one of me sometime ago in a blue silk top, BUT the latest one of Lou, that a neighbor enlarged for me for his “Celebration of Life”…and I wanted to scan it, but haven’t had time. Did YOU do that? Pls let me know. And you are a gifted writer, and yes, I blushed, but that is OK. You are YOU and I love YOU…. Aunti M.

    Like

    • Hi Aunti! No idea how the other pictures ended up in the email from Mom. If they were embedded in her e-mail, I’m guessing they were there as a result of something “Marmalady” either did or didn’t do (i.e. Perhaps she never deleted the pics from and old email and our messages back and forth to each other were piggybacking on that old email that had the original pics you mentioned?). Hmmmm… Really can’t say. My message to mom with quilt pics and pics if Naypie were created, brand new, by me, just last night though. So I really can’t figure that one out! 😜

      I’m sorry for making you blush! It is never my intention to offend or embarrass anyone who may read some of my crazy rantings on my blog. I have simply reached an age and place in my life where I get such personal gratitude and liberation in writing… whatever the heck I wanna write! Haha. Perhaps I should put a disclaimer at the top of my blog that says: WARNING! Some of the content on this blog may be harmful to your health (or at least may accelerate your heart rate and blood pressure)! Also the content OF this nature is not a holistic snapshot of the ability of the writer to write professionally and serious-in-nature content. 😃

      Thank you for loving me…encouraging me…supporting me…the way you ALWAYS have. I love you oodles and hope you are doing ok, after Uncle’s passing. XOX-Meg

      Like

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