Been a couple of weeks since I’ve posted. Shame on me!
There’s a reason…
I’ve honestly struggled a bit with my last post. I’ve struggle because I want to be me. I want to write what naturally comes to mind and what feels like what I need to express, at the time I need to express it. When I write about things that are personal, I sometimes get “admonished” by those close to me for not protecting my family’s privacy. Sometimes, I just embarrass them. In fact, I’m sure the admonishment, stems from their own discomfort, and not any real concern for my reputation. I mean, let’s be honest, shall we? The fact of the matter is, I have three people to answer to and one deity. The people are: My husband, my son and myself. My husband supports me in every way. He knows my true self and my heart’s desires and because he loves me the way he does, he wants me to find my happiness in any way I can (so long as it’s legal). I could say the same about my son. Some may argue, “he’s just a teenage boy” and I should be protecting him by not putting all my personal stuff and intimate things “out there”. Fact is, I seriously don’t put all my intimate things out there. Trust me. You’d all be blushing. Or writing to ask for tips and advice. Have I mentioned I reference my life as a “burger and a beer story”? There’s lots I haven’t shared. Yet.
Anyway, the kid is mature beyond his years and if there’s one thing I do well as a parent, it’s to teach my son that his mother is human. He knows I’m not just his mother, but a woman with desires, dreams and goals. He also knows I make mistakes and just because I’m his mom, doesn’t mean I can’t screw up. He’s seen me cry. He’s heard me cuss. He’s heard me apologize and explain my own answers to the why’s in my life. We talk openly about anything he is interested in. I don’t shelter him in anyway. I feel I’m preparing him well. And hopefully, as an offshoot of that, he’s learning to respect women as the intelligent, creative, sensitive, nurturing-yet-ass-kicking, multi-taskers that we are! We are, in fact, each others’ biggest fans. And, let me just say: THAT ROCKS!
As for the rest of my family, most of my immediate family knows what I aspire to be and dream of doing. I have a dear, sweet Aunt who is unconditionally loving, who simply expressed, my last post (On Sex and Cremation) “made her blush”. I love her so much for her honesty and her support that followed. She affirmed for me that I am a good writer and that she was proud of me.
I need more of that to fuel my fire. I need more of that in order to fulfill my dream of becoming a writer. I want to be a writer that makes people a little uncomfortable sometimes. To me, discomfort stretches us to answer why? Why am I uncomfortable? It’s when we ask ourselves those introspective questions, that we find answers that change us or at least force us to think in a way we don’t always. I like the notion that we’re always changing…morphing into (hopefully) better, more evolved versions of ourselves.
The older I get the wearier I get of conforming and doing things to please others when my soul is hungry to express who I am and be the person God and Universe intended me to BE.
I hope this post inspires you, even in some small way. I hope it inspires you to challenge yourself and examine the why that emerges when something makes you feel even the slightest bit uncomfy.
Be in the moment and figure out why. Then, ask yourself if that is really the lens through which you want to view the world.
I double dog dare you.