A Brief Psychological Overview of Athena
Athena – extroverted and independent temperament — represents the goddess of wisdom and civilization — concerned with career, motivated by the desire for achievement, acquiring knowledge, she possesses a keen intellect, concerned with education, culture, social issues and politics. Athena is father’s daughter. She enters the male arena in the outer world. Athena is also known as one of the three Amazon women. (The myth of the Amazon women spoke of a society of fierce warrior women who lived entirely without men.) The story of her birth: she emerged, fully-grown, out of the Head of Zeus.
She is an androgynous ‘virgin’ goddess who develops a relationship with her own inner masculine part rather than partaking in marriage to an outer male. Her awareness is focused. She relates to men as intellectual companion (sic) with whom she shares ambitions, career goals, and ideals. If a primarily Athenian-type woman chooses partnership, she seeks one who possesses sufficient self-confidence and who will appreciate her ambition and autonomy (http://goddess-power.com/athena.htm).
OK – so those that know me may be saying, “concerned with politics, whaaaaaa???” But I am “a father’s daughter” and I do have a competitive nature, so the whole entering a “male arena” thing is spot on. Emerging “fully-grown, out of the Head of Zeus”, not so much. Same with “androgynous ‘virgin’ goddess”. How is that latter one even possible? Androgynous/virgin/goddess??? Isn’t that like a triple oxymoron? If not, it seriously should be. But all the rest? Spot on. Which is why, I finally settled down with a man like Kevin Delaney.
So why all this talk about Athena? Because I found her! Or mine. Or the one that figuratively lives inside me. Though by all accounts, according to the whole “emerged out of the Head of Zeus” thing, I suppose could also live literally inside me as well. If I were a Greek God or Goddess. And lest I remind you that virgin goddesses can be androgynous, I could be a God or a Goddess. Holy crap – I really just said all that? See – this is why I never studied Greek mythology. Confuses the snot out of me. Totally NOT for the ADD impaired.
So – Athena. I found mine. And this is the story of how, and the progression of her growth within me over the years…
I haven’t written in quite some time. For self-pleasure that is. I’ve done a lot of academic writing over the last 6.5 years, while finishing a Bachelor’s degree I started (and stopped and started) many years ago. Of course, I’ve been working, working too, at my massage biz (SHAMELESS PLUG: http://www.megshealinghands.com) and as an independent contractor for a massage center in my area. Then there’s the whole wife, mother, homeowner, soccer taxi, cat crap/yak/ belly-gunk cleaner upper thing. That’s a whole blog of its own, but be forewarned – you’ll want to be sure not to have eaten before reading! So yeah, all things combined – I’ve been somewhat busy. So busy, my neighbor friends have all likely disowned me and probably think I’m some sort of social deject, except for the ones that are just nice enough to remember me when they need to borrow a few bucks or at times send a thoughtful FB message in response to my post that I’m hanging on by a thread.
Anyway – I totally digress, which my husband will cheerfully (sarcastically) tell you, NEVER happens…I wanted to write about my journey over the years toward a college education and how as I was actually finally approaching the last few months, I also found the motivation to accomplish another pretty amazing thing for myself (cool your jets – I know you’re DYING…it’ll come. Breathe deep). As it happens, my journey toward education actually became one of enlightenment or empowerment or whatever groovy, new-age word sounds just right in this sentence. The point is, all sorts of good things have been happening. 🙂
For me, college started in my 20’s instead of right out of high school. I did it as a sort of an “I can be as smart as my brainy sister” maneuver, after the über-brainy- maneuver of marrying the neighborhood Italian stud, at barely 18. Yeah – that was me – super brainy. I made all kinds of awesome and cerebral choices that were all about paving the way for a great rest of my life. THAT awesome, blink-of-an-eye-marriage ended in an inebriated pop in the mouth, while driving home from having attended a sock-hop with his family. The jackass cop I RAN to FROM our car, at a stop light to get away from the punches being thrown, was kind enough to deposit me at the nearest International House of Pancakes. He bought me a cup of coffee and a phone call (cuz back then you still actually put a silver coin in a phone on a wall). Super swell of him, huh? I called my sister and brother-in-law who came and got me, took me to my mother, who immediately drove me and my busted mouth to the court house. It wasn’t long after that, I set out to get my life in order and started taking classes at a local community college.
NOTE: Dear ex-sister-in law of ex-husband #1, of whom I am actually quite fond (the ex-sister-in-law, not the ex-husband. Not that I have anything against ex-husband #1 these days. We were young and stupid. The both of us. And, yes readers, there is an ex-husband #2…I call this my “burger and a beer” story) forgive the “bashing” if that’s what it feels like. It was what it was. There were pics of my face and a court hearing to prove it despite the denial on anybody’s part. It was a nightmare for me that I can look back on now and have gleaned strength from. Oh the dumb things we do and mistakes we ALL make. It’s a part of my story, so I’m writing about it. 😉 We good? Good. 🙂
Anyway – digressing again.
The beginning of college… I made it about a semester and a half. The Astronomy class was stellar (see what I did there?) and I always did like Psychology and English. But, love beckoned again and this time, it came in the form of a distinguished and cultured man (enter husband #2). And, by distinguished and cultured, I mean 15 years older. And this time, he for sure wasn’t Italian. He was Sicilian. And let me tell you people – Sicilians are NOT the same as Italians. At least that’s what Italians will tell you. Anyone that comes from anywhere south of all the stuff that is actually attached to Italy itself is just from Africa. Check it out. All the years of school and college and I’m literally, just figuring out that Sicilia is an island. I think those Italians are on to something. But man can those Italfricans COOK, because my mother-in-law, Lydia, who was only Italfrican by marriage, taught me how to make the world’s best pot of sauce and meatballs and my father-in-law Salvatore made a killer side dish, he served at our annual Christmas parties called Capantina (Pronounced CAH–PAH–NAH–TINA). It’s this delicious, simmered, sweet and sour concoction of diced, fried eggplant, onions, olives or capers, celery, peppers and some other things in vinegar and sugar. I can’t remember Sal’s recipe (never learned how to make this one) but this Italian blogger has a great recipe and some fine pics: http://theitaliandishblog.com/imported-20090913150324/2012/9/11/sicilian-caponata.html. Clearly I was far too busy learning to cook authentic Italfrican cuisine to be worried with staying focused on finishing college. Then there was all the partying with friends almost twice my age and all the cool traveling we did. Priorities.
After 8 years together, we divorced and I started sowing some serious oats. I was hanging out at a restaurant bar in Canton, Baltimore where I had gotten to know the bartender and manager by name. I liked it there. They gave me free things. I was 26 at the time, a saucy little red-head with a big personality and a sense of humor, maybe a little flirtatious…so what can I say? They liked me. They fed me crab dip, stuffed jalapeno poppers, Amstel Light and Sambucca shots. Wait for the memoir – if I ever get the guts to write it – for fear of pissing off all my relatives and in-laws, but long story short, over the next 8 years I ran around with, ultimately fell in love and had a child with the manager, but we never married. In the first 2 years of that relationship there were no thoughts of resuming college at all. We broke up for a couple of years and I put myself through massage therapy school. That was an 18-month program and my answer to some sort of direction in life again. Ultimately, I was still just bumbling around trying to find my way, with no real purpose in life. I had no goals. No real bills to pay, other than some credit card debt I racked up living in a hotel for a few weeks at one point and my car payment. What a hot mess I was. The only thing I knew for certain at this point was that I missed the boyfriend I had broken up with and wanted to try to make a go of things again with him. We got back together and as agonizing and difficult as most of our moments were over the next 6 years, the one amazing thing that came of all of that, which I can never regret, but only thank God for, is the birth of our son. When the time came for me to grow up and out of my need for financial dependence on this man, I realized I actually wanted to be a single mother, versus living in the turmoil I was at the time. I needed out. I needed to be strong and independent and on my own. I needed to know I could stand on my own feet and raise this boy! With the help of my sister and then brother-in-law, I took 6 months to get on my feet while living with them, found an apartment for my son and me and started my new job…WITH TUITION REIMBURSEMENT.
“Aha!”, you say. “Finally, she’s getting back on topic.”
Now in my 30’s, I worked at the local hospital in hospital administration. For the next 3 years I plucked away at a class here and there, on the hospital’s dime. It was great! It felt so good to be self-sufficient, paying my own bills, raising my son and chipping away at classes again. At this stage in my pursuit for learning, it was all about getting the education so that I could provide for my son and create a better environment for him. I was working full-time, going to school part-time, raising my infant-to-toddler kiddo, in our little 2 bedroom apartment there in Harford County, Maryland and life was grand. Until the hospital let me go. They gave me 60 days to find another job within the system but I found nothing. The reason they gave me was redunkulous and to this day I still don’t buy it or believe it but I literally applied for everything I could that paid close to what I had been making. I was black listed. There went my free education. Yet another setback. And just when I was getting’ my educational freak awn! Man…
The next year was abysmal. Unemployment. Unemployment skills training, job hunting, grabbing up any massage gigs I could find on the side… after all, I still had that education and skill to fall back on. There was always still help from my son’s father, but at times that was an emotional struggle between the two of us, and I knew that I just needed to continue on the path toward financial independence. Ultimately, I knew he would never deny his son, but personally, I did not want to have to depend on him.
Within that year, I contacted an old friend who I had worked with years ago, during my time with the restaurant manager boyfriend. She was now the Director of Admissions for a technical college in Maryland. Ultimately I went to work for her making great money, for 3 years until my marriage to my now hubby Kevin resulted in a decision to move to Pennsylvania. It was during our dating relationship that he and I started talking seriously about my finally finishing my degree. Now, in my 40’s it was all about my son seeing his mother persevere; teaching him that women can be all things (moms, massage therapists, freelance writers, wanna-be-entrepreneurial-baker-divas, small business owners, keepers of the house, wives, social coordinators, soccer carpoolers, carpet cleaners [see future blog on cat yak/belly gunk], adolescent hair do’ers and advice givers, etc. etc.). It was also very much about fulfilling a life-time goal of my own at this point. Finishing something I’d started many years ago. Coming full circle, into my own. Finding myself. Finding my inner Athena. I found her alright, and she’s now not only educumacated, she’s also 25 pounds lighter!
Part 2 of this post conveys the massive epiphanic episode that occurred in November 2013, about a month before graduation. I call it “epiphanic” for a reason. Read on to find out why. 🙂
NOTE TO READER: If epiphanic is not a real word, it should be and now that I’m educated, I hereby proclaim its official entry into the world of “real words”. And while I’m at it, I’ll offer an explanation of “Version 7.2”:
Meg Beta Version – Embryonic Stage
Version 1.0 – Birth
Version 2.0 – Childhood
Version 3.0 – Marriage to Neighborhood Italian Stud
Version 4.0 – Marriage to Cultured and Distinguished Italifrican
Version 5.0 – Long-Term Culturally Diverse Relationship: Helped catapult me into INDEPENDENCE!
Version 6.0 – Living As a Single Mother On Own. Financial Independence. STRENGTH.
Version 7.0 – Marriage to My FOREVER MAN. Solidified concept of SELF ACTUALIZATION!
Version 7.1 – College Graduation from The Pennsylvania State University – December 2014
Version 7.2 – Health, Fitness and Long-Term Weight Loss Goal of 30 pounds