So we’re traveling to Massachusetts this weekend to visit some family and to get some help with finishing Nathan’s quilt I’ve been working on for 4 years, from one of Kevin’s aunts. Don’t judge. I started it while I was finishing my Bachelor’s and working. If I’d been diagnosed with the dain bramage prior to the undertaking, I’d have waited til after graduation to start it and would probably just be finishing it up now. Only 4 months later, instead of 4 years later.
Everwhat (that’s a Kevinism. He says it like this: EVer WHhhat)…we’ve been on the road in some pretty shitty traffic for about 9 hours now. The trip typically takes 6 to 6 1/2 hours. Freakin’ NY traffic. EVERY time. You should have heard the gems streaming from Kevin’s mouth while driving. And in the backseat, we have the 13-year-old, busting farts, reciting one-liners from Anchorman. He’s obsessed with the word “lanolin”. He keeps saying it over and over again. He chuckles after each “lanolin”. http://youtu.be/6assm-ecPgc
At some point I checked my phone for phone messages and found a voice mail from the Junior High School, informing us of Nathans truancy today. This is the slap-happy and inappropriate kind of conversation that ensues in our car, between the 3 of us when the ride has gotten too long, bladders are full and the NY smog has rotted our brains:
Meg: (Turning to show Nathan the voice mail) Ooooohhh.. Nathan you are truant today. You’re sick again. You’ve relapsed (referencing the excuse we used for taking him out of school last week during their shorter-than-ever “Spring Break” and our trip to Wildwood, NJ).
Nathan: You should tell them I have gonorrhea HEP A, B, C, MERSA, syphilis… (he’s learning so much in school this year). Also, this may be a reference to a Beavis and Butt-Head video we watched while away last weekend). Here are snippets of the video in two parts (total of about 7 minutes).
Kevin and Meg: (Recalling Beavis and Butt-Head video. Laughing).
Nathan: What’s PARVO?
Kevin: I knew a woman who had PARVO. (Smiling).
Meg: Oh my God Kevin that’s not funny. Why are you smiling?
Kevin: It’s a dog disease.
Meg: I thought it had to do with eggs or chickens.
Kevin: No. Dogs.
Nathan: So did the lady and the dog get it on and that’s how she got it?
Kevin: Um. NO.
Meg: I saw a dog and a cat getting it on once though.
Nathan: Oh my God, you did? Was it a big dog?
Meg: No it was a pug.
Nathan: (Laughing hard) Was the cat accepting it?
Meg: (Also laughing hard). No! You know how dogs are just kind of humpy? He was kind of just doing that to the cat. The cat was kind of just tolerating it. There was no penetration. No intercourse.
Kevin: It was outercourse.
Nathan: (Dying in backseat).
Nathan: What color cat was it?
Kevin: Owwwwooo (Beavis and Butt-Head video reference again…)
My life with these two… I freakin’ love it. We are constantly entertaining ourselves, even when we don’t realize it.